It's A Festive Micro Adventure

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: "Hi, heroes! Stan Lee here, to introduce a fearsome festive freakshow in the mighty micro manner!"

: "Our tale begins in the offices of Howlett and Rasputin, on the day before Joseph's Day, when mutants everywhere celebrate the birth of the Clone of Magneto."

: "Now the thing to remember is that Colossus was dead."

: "Very dead. Freaking cremated, in fact."

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: "Mr Howlett? Can I go home already?"

: "No way, bub. You stay there, and you keep working."

: "But it's Joseph's Day tomorrow!"

: "Bah, bub! I don't care. I didn't harvest organs from myself for you to go home and not make me more money from selling them!"

: "I have to go, my family need me. My youngest son, Little Nate, is very sick."

: "How sick?"

: "He's sleeping with my first wife."

: "You make me sick, Summers. You and your whole family. Away with you! The Logan is leaving the building!"

: "Donate some money to charity, sir?"

: "Bah! My money is all for me, bub!"

: "Help mutants less fortunate than yourself to enjoy Joseph's Day?"

: "Many are still left powerless by the Decimation."

: "Let them find a place for themselves in flatscan society!"

: "Many would rather die."

: "Then let them, and decrease the mutant population until it's all about me, all the time!"

: "......it isn't already?"

: "Unfortunately not. Now leave me alone!"

: "Poor and starving mutants need your help, and it is our duty to Our Lord Magneto and Joseph to help them."

: "This poor boy, for example, could you leave him to die? You remember Nurse Annie's son Carter, don't you?"

: "Sasquatch is my daddy and he has to protect me!"

: "Yes, indeed I would, bub. That kid's stupid."

: "I know."

: "So screw you guys, I'm goin' home!"

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: "So Logan returned to his home, to spend the night counting his money...."

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: "Logan!"

: "Colossus? You're dead, bub! You were freaking cremated!"

: "Aliens brought me back."

: "Whuh?"

: "Just kidding.

: "Yeah, that would be pretty freakin' retarded, bub."

: "Yeah, like I said, just kidding. I'm a ghost. Woooooooo!"

: "Stop that! You're no ghost! You're just a hallucination, brought on by an undigested beer-can, or a half-eaten ninja."

: "You need to change, Logan. And not just your crazy diet. I have been sent to warn you!"

: "I need no warning, bub! I'm the best there is!"

: "Your greed, egotism, violence and glory-hounding have to end, Logan, or you'll be damned like I am!"

: "Damned?"

: "I came to US and A and abandoned my Communist upbringing, and we made a lot of money together, but we neglected our fellow mutants. Neglected to celebrate Joseph's Day."

: "Joseph? Bah! Why should I care for myth and legend?

: "Logan, Joseph died to save us all. He repaired Earth's electromagnetic field!"

: "Myth and legend!"

: "Logan, you were there when it happened."

: "Your words say 'yes', but my memories say 'no'."

: "Just start caring about your fellow mutants, Logan."

: "Why should I care for mutants who can't help themselves? I have metal claws on each hand, people will always pay to see that. And as long as it's all good for me, I don't care about anyone else."

: "For my sins, Our Lord Magneto has damned me to H*ll-on-Earth. With the flatscans."

: ".....no!"

: "It's true. And now I bring warning to you. Tonight, you will be visited by three ghosts."

: "Three including you, or three more?"

: "Three more. I think. Here comes the first one now."

: "Hi, I'm the Changeling, and I'll be haunting you tonight."

: "Who?"

: "The Changeling? First X-Man to die? Which is why tonight, I'll be....The Ghost of X-Men Past!"

: "Who?"

: *sigh*

: "How quickly they forget."

: "Eh, I forget things faster than I heal."

: "Well, I'm taking you on a tour of some of the memorable moments of your past, things you can't possibly have forgotten, the things you did instead of celebrating Joseph's day!"

: "Are we gonna have a flashback?"

: "We already are, Logan. Here we are, back in your old home in Canada."



: "Hey, I remember this! That's my original costume, the one I designed myself!"

: "Nice whiskers."

: "Couldn't we have taken this baby to the big people some other day, Logan?"

: "No, it can't wait!"

: "But it's Joseph's Day!"

: "Think of the money we could make, the fame and glory that could be ours! What use is your silly festival compared with that?"

: "I just want to go home."

: "Set me free! I'll look after the baby for you."

: "We can't hand the baby over to that Sentinel! We need to find someone who'll take care of it!"

: "You don't think I could look after a baby, you little peck?"

: "How much will you pay us for the baby?"

: "About $3.50?"

: "Come on, you can do better than that!"

: "I'm locked up in a cage, peck. How much money do you expect me to have here?"

: "Eh, it'll have to do."

: "Logan, you can't do this!"

: "Watch me. I'm setting you free, big robot bub."

: "Thanks. This is one tasty baby."

: "...the H*ll is this? You weren't supposed to eat the baby!"

: "What did you expect me to do, you stupid peck?"

: "That Sentinel was right, Wolverine. You really are a stupid peck."

: "......dammit."

: "See where your hunger for money and fame leads you?"

: "Bah! I stand by my actions!"

: "You remember that, but do you remember Mariko?"

: "Who?"

: "Exactly."

: "Logan, why can't you spend Joseph's Day with my family?

: "Because your family are Sunfire and Silver Samurai, bub. I'd rather go fight ninjas or something."

: "And you wonder why I couldn't marry you?"

: "Hey, I'm starting to remember her now. She was the last woman I ever loved."

: "Really? So what happened to her?"

: "I killed her and married Viper. Then I stabbed her until she divorced me...."

: "......"

: "Then I married Witchblade, but that didn't work out either."

: "Wow, you really suck, don't you?"

: "No, I'm still the best there is."

: "And now we've come to your last flashback of the night, a good friendship gone horribly wrong..."

: "Hey, Wolverine, it's Joseph's Day, you ready for our big double-date?"

: "Sure am, bub."



: "Teenaged girl versions of ourselves. It just doesn't get any better than this."

: "Sure does, bub! Slutty drunk teenage girl versions of ourselves!"

: "Hey! We're standing right here, you know."

: "Yeah, we're perfectly sober."

: ".....that's the part you complain about?"

: "Aw, man, I remember how this ended."

: "Yes, you had a big fight with Nightcrawler the next morning."

: "Logan! Logan, you @&%$*#! How could you do this to me?"

: "Do what, bub?"

: "You were supposed to leave one of them for me! Me!"

: "Eh, guess I forgot. I was too busy. Scoring."

: "He never talked to you again, did he?"

: "No, he ran off and found religion or something. What a sucker."

: "You haven't learned a damn thing here, have you?"

: "Not a one, bub."

: "OK, bring on the Ghost of X-Men Present!"

: "....YOU!?!?! It can't be!"

TO BE LOGANTINUED!

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The above is a parody. All characters ™ © Marvel Comics.
All micros property of their respective designers - if you want to be credited, e-mail microadv (at-sign) graffiti.net.