It's a Micro Adventure! The Age of Onslaught! Double-Sized Finale!

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Previously, in a Micro Adventure:


: "I can't believe it actually worked this time."

: "I...am dying! Charles, my only friend...live my dream for me!"

: "I cannot refuse your dying request!"

: "And our work here is done, I gar-on-tee. Let's go back to de present, chere."
---------------

: "Back to the present, at last!"

: "Everything looks normal so far. Look, there are the X-Men, just like we remember them."





: "Gambit, Bishop, welcome back. Welcome to H*ll."

: "Now is the Age of Onslaught! No-one is safe!"

: "Gambit, I'm gonna kill you."

: "What, like Gambit knew dis would happen, chere?"

---------------------

And now....The Age of Onslaught Begins!

: "'Save Charles Xavier', they said. 'A saint among men', they said. What a crock!"

: "Look, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

: "Yeah! When you go an' change de timeline, dat's when you get to complain about Gambit an' his chere!"

: "Will you stop calling me that?"

: "........no."

: "Behold my mighty hand!"

: "That's my line! I'll sue!"

: "Behold THIS! Onslaught....Transform!"

: "Onslaught Phase Two...Impact One! No-one is safe!"

: "Now that's just showing off."

: "Sentinel Force.....attack!"

:
"Sentinel Prime Directives: Obey Onslaught! Kill The X-Men!"

: "Oh, screw this, I'm going home."

: "Sounds like a plan."

: "Wait for us!"

: "So...wait. If Xavier, he be evil in dis time, den who done found de X-Men?"

: "I, Apocalypse!"

: "....the H*ll?!?!"

: "Because Magneto's dead, and Xavier's evil."

: "....why?

: "It's all really very simple. Dead Magneto + Evil Xavier + Someone Had To Form The X-Men = Good Apocalypse."

: ".........."

".......I see."

: "Yes, dat be makin' perfect sense to Gambit."

: "And now, the core of my team! The Original X-Men, also known as...The Five Horsemen of Apocalypse!"

: "X-Men, represent!"

: "War, my first X-Man!"

: "Hey yo!"

: "Pestilence!"

"Oh yeah!"

: "Famine!"

: "Hoo-ha!"

: "Death to the power of three! And...the most terrifying Horseman of the Apocalypse!"

: "Da!"

: "Colossus-Being-Alive-Again!"

: "Yeah, that certainly IS a sign of the Apocalypse."

: "Couldn't you at least have enhanced his powers like you usually do for the Horsemen?"

: "I...gave him a new costume."

: "Dat just be his old Acolyte uniform, I gar-on-tee."

: "Eh, he doesn't look like a male stripper anymore. What more do you want? I also increased his intelligence by a factor of ten thousand."

: "Prove it."

: "Me Colossus no like you!"

: "That's a definite improvement. Call me convinced."

:
"Stop ignoring me! I am Onslaught! Ninja Sentinel! Scatter their bones at my feet!"

: "As you command, my master."

: "X-Men, scatter! Watch out for his giant nunchucks!"

: "Too late! Me Colossus....dead!"

: "No, you cretin! "Me Colossus _IS_ dead!" *sigh* I don't know why I bother..."

: "Ninja....vanish!"

: "That metal martial artist is wiping us out! There's only one option left to us!"

: "Tell Gambit we don't got to go back in time an' un-kill Magneto."

: "I'm afraid so."

: "Don't do it, Bishop! Haven't you two ruined the timeline enough already? Just be happy with what's here and now!"

: "You could at least call your brother by his first name, you know."

: "You tell her, chere! Gambit, he don' take orders from no holograms, I gar-on-tee! Let's go back in time!"

-----------------------------

*elsewhere*

: "So, you know why I called you all here?"

: "Yes, we've got to stop Gambit and Bishop, fix time, and get our parents back together, so we can all actually be born here in the core reality."

: "Eh, I've already BEEN born there. It's not as great as you think it is. And Jean's not actually my mother anyway. If only she was. All my life it's been 'Hey kid, your mom's a psycho. Didn't you know?'"

: "What he said. Can't we just kill them all?"

: "Who invited you, anyway?"

: "I did, because I'm in charge of this family reunion."

: "I'm not taking orders from an idiot like you!"

: "I'm sleeping with your mom, Cable. You'll do what I tell you, and you'll call me 'dad' from now on."

: "Must...not...let...him...see...me...cry...."

: "Nate!"

: "Yeah?"

: "No, just young-Nate. Stop staring at me like that!"

: "Don't tell me what to do! I'm in charge!"

: "You realise she's like your sister, right?"

: "And I care? I'm sleeping with my mother's clone."

: "Maybe wearing more will stop him?"

: "Don't bet on it. So what's our plan, anyway?"

: "Plan? What do we need one of those for?"

: "So we know what we're doing?"

: "I know what I'm doing, Cable: Your mom. Now shut up and do what I say."

: "But..."

: "I screwed your mom!"

: "Dammit, I get enough of this crap from Havok. And Sebastian Shaw. I'm not gonna stand for it from a punk like you."

: "We're doomed, aren't we?"

: "Believe it. I can hardly wait."

----------------------

: "Here we are! Twenty years in the past! Again!"

: "Now to stop ourselves-from-the-past from killing Magneto!"



: "Dat be Magneto! Get ready, chere!"

: "Stop!"

: "What?"

: "We're you, from the future. You've got to not-kill-Magneto, or you'll totally screw up the timeline!"

: "But we came here to fix the timeline, by killing him!"

: "Trust us, you'll only make things worse!"



: "....the H*ll?!?!?"

: "We're your robot selves. We're from the future."

: "Ah. Right."

: "Yeah, we knew that."

: "You've got to let things proceed. The Gambit and Bishop from the past must kill Magneto!"

: "Won't that just leave us with Onslaught still large and in charge?"

: "Yes. Our master shall reign, and all will be as it should be."

: "Well, if you're robot-us from the future, I guess we can trust you."

: "Yeah, it's not like robot-us would lie to us."

: "Stop! Right now!"

: "What?"

: "Nobody kill anybody!"

: "But our robot-selves told us to!"

: "Yeah, they're from the future!"

: "What are you all, retarded?"

: "Can't you tell that those are Onslaught's evil robots? One of them even has 'evil' written on his chest!"

: "Hey, so he does. Maybe we're evil in the future, as well as being robots?"

: "Just go home, all of you. Nobody kill anyone. It's the only way to fix the timeline!"

: "Dammit, now Gambit not get to kill anyone today."

: "Charles, what WAS all that about?"

: "I don't think I want to know."

-----------------------

: "We're back! And the world is right again!"

: "Looks close enough, chere."




: "See? All normal again."

: "Eh, close enough. Except now Gambit got to actually deal with losing his trial, an' losing his Roguey, I gar-on-tee."

: "That is the least of your worries!"

: "Now is....The House of M!"

: "Aw, crap. What now?"

: "No more shall I be victimised, objectified, degraded, passed around the Avengers, or made to suffer! Now you will all feel my wrath!"

: "Dat not all Gambit want to feel, I gar-on-tee."

: "Gambit!"

: "Time for a new look, and a new codename, to go with my new crossover-headlining-villainy...."

: "Now, and forever, I...am...Chaos-Bringer!"

: "Gambit, he just want see your sex-power, chere."

: "That's 'hex-power', you cretin! But, since you asked, here's the one I used on Captain America and Wonder Man."

: "What did you just do?"

: "You are now impotent. And retroactively always have been."

: "All Gambit's best memories be fading away, I gar-on-tee!"

: "Ah'm all innocent again!"

: "Bishop! Chere! We gotta go back in time an' change dis!"

: "Haven't you learned anything today?"

: "No, Gambit not learn one single t'ing, I gar-on-tee."

: *sigh*

: "Pathetic X-Men! Who will save you now?"

: "I'm gonna settle this the way we did things back in the '90s!"

: "This Micro Adventure gon' have a foil cover?"

: "Shut up."



: "Was that really necessary?"

: "Yes, it was. Deal with it."

: "What kind of sick ending is that?"

: "It's an ending. Now go home!"

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The above is a parody. All characters ™ © Marvel Comics.
All micros property of their respective designers - if you want to be credited, e-mail microadv (at-sign) graffiti.net.